Budlight's Mistake With the word NO

Budlight made a fool of itself.

Now go read that and come back if you don't know what I am talking about.

You may not have had previous contact with this, and you would not be alone in that.

However, despite not having a direct impact on us, it does have an important impact.

I have heard a few cries of "get over the joke" and "it's not ill-intentioned so it is okay" and "women really miss the point" which I feel means that they miss the point.

Rape culture isn't like a society. It is an underlying black color in our society. We begrudge it, pretend it is not real, and ignore its impact on our lives and its victims. We ignore the red it has spilled.

For most people, the idea that rape culture is a thing is thought to be in other countries, where women have even less power.

Well it does...but it still exists in countries such as the US.

But, what is really rape culture?

It isn't like BDSM culture, which is a healthy community that shares experiences and ideas.

It is the underlying tones in speech, actions and behaviors that allow people to think that rape is not rape, rape is okay, rape is not a thing that can exist as long as certain conditions are followed.

What is no?

In the West, no is a powerful word.

Add in some liquor and some people might change their minds about saying no.

Add some liquor and no means a whole new set of rules.


Why?


Because alcohol is related in a large majority of rape cases.

People liquored up can be manipulated and pushed around more easily. They can even be thrown under the bus by the police who say "you're the reason we can't have underaged drinking" and "you should have thought about that before you got drunk" like the crime was somehow the fault of the victim.

"Oh your house was broken into? You should have thought about that before living in this neighborhood!"

Now let's take what the Budlight comment was:

"The perfect beer for removing 'no' from your vocabulary for the night"

In all honesty, I can see how that could be funny.

But here's the thing...and I'll admit I'm no comedian...but the thing with OFFENSIVE HUMOR- whether you make fun of white people, Hispanics, Asians, African Americans OR WOMEN...whether indirectly or directly...if it's not funny...it's not okay.

And here's where it gets tricky.

The intention was that "when you get drunk, you lose your senses to say no" but that's where it gets stupid offensive.

"You didn't mean to offend this guy, even though you hinted that certain crimes were okay?"

Really?

I wouldn't let anybody off for offending an African American friend, an Asian friend, or even a Mexican friend. So why is it okay to let anybody off the hook (companies included) for being offensive towards women? Why is that okay?


Here's the troubling answer: It's not.

The reason there is rape culture is not because we raise our sons telling them "you have a right to a woman's body" or "your wife should give it up to you whenever" or even that "no doesn't mean no if she is drunk enough."

The reason there is a rape culture is because there are little hints that allow certain people to justify themselves.

Many people get drunk and lose their senses.

Many rapes go unreported because alcohol was involved.

Many victims are blamed and slut shamed because they were out drinking...like nobody does that? (well I don't, but most normal people do)

Studies have shown that "more men will admit to sexually coercive behaviors and more women will self-report victimization when behavioral descriptions are used (Koss 1998) instead of labels. Indeed, some men will endorse items asking whether they have used force to obtain intercourse, but will deny having raped a woman." Which makes sense...who would incriminate themselves?

In the link I provided, you can find more information...but here's the underlying problem.

Men are made to think they are to be "masculine" and "dominant" and thus coercive and strong towards women. It incites violence and abuse towards women that is covered in words of masculinity. Rape gets covered up with little things like verbal coercion.

Men will admit to doing these things...because they see nothing wrong with it. They think that's okay. WE have told them it is okay. MEN AND WOMEN have both told them that is what women want and that is okay behavior.

So when a man overpowers a woman in "forceful intercourse" he justifies it to himself.

This adds to the fact that a large majority of rapes are based on overpowering women and putting them down, rather than actually having sex.

Yes, this is why there are some accounts where the attack utilizes objects other than the penis to penetrate. (which sadly does not get the same treatment, as the courts think it is worthy to punish men who use their penis, but less worthy to punish men who use some other object...crime is crime the way I see it) Though the usual concept is that it is the overpowering that they want.

But this forceful sex theory also applies to the more sexual based rapes. Men are to be dominant. Men are to be forceful. Men are to be "manly" and "masculine" and thus have some form of right to use the words and threats that have been described in cases of rape.

We think of rape as something that happens when a weak woman is overpowered by a strong man...but it is not typically that black and white.

When you look at how powerful the word no is in the Western world...it turns upside down...

No is a word a man uses and it is strong.

I, in my female exterior, tell a man "No, I don't want to talk to you" and it doesn't mean no.

I tell a man "No I'm not interested" and it doesn't mean no.

I tell a man "No" to anything in general and he will ignore what I have said.

These are not theories...these are my experiences.

Aside from some respectable men and the men who know me well in my life, there seems to be a disconnect with the understanding of what "no" means in the English language for BOTH sexes/genders.


Still...


No is a powerful word...


If I say no once, it's enough to constitute rape.


So the idea that the word "no" can be removed EVER from our vocabulary is both repulsive to me, and an inappropriate and irresponsible joke pulled off some episode of some show written by Seth McFarland somewhere.